2009 Unemployment Olympics

To all you unemployed people out there: if lately you've been watching your employed friends partake in all sorts of things that you can't - ie eating and drinking, your luck has changed. Now, an event just for you.

The first ever Unemployment Olympics, open only to those who can prove they've been laid off, will take place on the 31st of this month in Tompkins Square Park.

Events will include a blindfolded Pin the Blame on the Bosses, a "Race to the Unemployment Office," and, of course, a pinata (talk about necessary stress relief.)

Prizes are designed to help the winner cover the necessities: they range from a $50 bar tab to a monthly unlimited metrocard, and include gift certificates from local businesses.

Tompkins Square Park is a fitting venue for the event, given its long shared history with New York unemployment. Over the years it has filled all sorts of roles, from host to labor riots (in 1857, 1863, 1874, 1988) to home to New York's homeless - many, presumably, unemployed.

Street Food, It's Always Been You

If you are unemployed and still waiting to land that career-tracked Dream Job that has something to do with your college major or your interests: forget it, that ship has sailed. But your cart has arrived.

Workman's Cycles, a bicycle manufacturer in Queens, is calling our attention to the wonderful opportunity that is the food cart. They are adapting to recession by moving away from their traditional product and towards building food vending carts, anticipating business from people who have lost their jobs and are seeking a new means of income.

At $3,000, these carts can be considered a recession-friendly way to begin your exciting career as an entrepreneur or venture capitalist. (That heartwarming gem is for the convo where you ask your parents/friends for a loan. Thank me later.)

The best part of this is that now all new yorkers, employed or otherwise, now have a WHOLE NEW reason to rationalize indulging in the deliciously unhealthy street food that New York is famous for. Eat away, you are helping the common man!

The Best Money is Slow Money

As the recession unfolds, it seems that small is the new big, slow is the new fast, and change is the new stability.

So, with traditional investment plans now essentially amounting to financial suicide, the time has come to get creative with our cash. Luckily, opportunities abound for investing in fledgling projects that have time on their side.

NPR's All Things Considered recently profiled farmer Dante Hesse who runs Milk Thistle farm in Ghent, N.Y. In lieu of a traditional bank loan, Hesse is appealing to his (loyal but small) base of customers to subsidize the $700,000 that he needs to expand the farm and grow the business.

His plan is representative of a new approach to business that could come to displace the current hegemony of mainstream U.S. economics. Woody Tasch is a guy with 30 years experience in economics and venture capitalism who just wrote a book called Inquiries into the Nature of Slow Money. Its a manifesto for the Slow Money Alliance, which Tasch founded. The mission of the alliance is "to design new capital markets built not around extraction and consumption, but around preservation and restoration." Their vision? "Billions of dollars a year supporting tens of thousands of independent, local-first enterprises at the base of the restorative economy."

In his NPR interview, Tasch said that its time to challenge the assumption that growth is good and the marketplace knows best, saying "I've just had it with all of this so-called 'making-a-killing expertise,' which is actually killing the planet. I think one of the antidotes is daring to move to the other side of our brain, and kind of put down all that economic and fiduciary nonsense and just act like regular people." Love it!

Get the book here or read an excerpt of it here.
Get the milk here.

With traditional investment plans now essentially amounting to financial suicide, the time has come to get creative with your cash. Luckily, opportunities abound for investing in fledgling projects that have time on their side.

NPR's All Things Considered recently profiled Dante Hesse who runs Milk Thistle farm in Ghent, N.Y. because Hesse has decided to appeal to his (loyal but small) base of customers to subsidize the $700,000 loan that he needs to expand the farm and grow the business.

His plan is representative of a new approach to business that could come to displace the current hegemony of mainstream U.S. economics. Woody Tasch is a hugely interesting dude with 30 years experience as a venture capitalist who just wrote a book called Inquiries into the Nature of Slow Money. Its a manifesto for the Slow Money Alliance, which Tasch founded. The mission of the alliance is "to design new capital markets built not around extraction and consumption, but around preservation and restoration." Their vision? "Billions of dollars a year supporting tens of thousands of independent, local-first enterprises at the base of the restorative economy."

In his NPR interview, Tasch said that its time to challenge the assumption that growth is good and the marketplace knows best, saying "I've just had it with all of this so-called 'making-a-killing expertise,' which is actually killing the planet. I think one of the antidotes is daring to move to the other side of our brain, and kind of put down all that economic and fiduciary nonsense and just act like regular people."

Get the book here or read an excerpt of it here. Get the milk here.

Does This Recession Make Me Look Fat?

Reports are cropping up of a certain growing schlumpiness among the American public since the recession hit. Some commenting on the trend are women relieved at the emerging fashion laxity, and others are horrified.

Boston.com reported the phenomenon from the perspective of two Prudential Center sales associates, under-occupied of late. According to these girls, the Bostonians they see walking "have no style." "It is blah," they insightfully added.

Ignoring for a moment that Bostonians have always dressed terribly, there's something here worth considering. A real estate exec quoted in the Boston.com article said she was relieved to escape excessive workplace fashion expectations and another said she's feels free of the pressure to dye her gray hair because "people are more forgiving now."

This trend is on line with some other encouraging effects of the recession revolving around the curbing of excessive consumption and the unexamined exaltation of superficial treasures. Not to mention an exciting and necessary shift toward fresh and different ideas, in every area from fashion to energy solutions and financial investments. All signs point to a growing willingness to get real and get creative. Perhaps this savings-driven schlumpification will mark a nationwide cleanse of appearance obsession.

Bring on the dark roots and stray eyebrow hairs!

Haagen-Dazs Hoax

The New York Times Economics blog reported this week that Haagen-Dazs is using the recession as an excuse to skimp on the volume of its pints of ice cream, downsizing their standard pint to 14 oz from 16. WHAT THE?!?!

First of all, the price of milk has been going down since the recession hit, which if anything should have reduced costs for manufactures of ice cream and other dairy products by now.

And accordingly, first quarter earnings reported by General Mills, owner of Haagen-Dazs, indicate that the company is in fact doing just fine.

Finally, H-G's case isn't helped by the fact that good old Ben and Jerry's has vowed to keep offering the full 16 oz, acknowledging that “Now more than ever, you deserve your full pint of ice cream.” I happen to agree.

This trick has some precedent, but mostly in "gallon" sizes. It's desperate times, and apparently, stingy companies are getting bolder and bolder...

ps. generic brand Dolly Madison sells perfectly good pints for $1.50 at bodegas all over Brooklyn, so why anyone is still buying Haagen-Dazs is beyond me anyway.

Cocktail Recipes for the Recession

(from thenewyorker.com)

Gone are the Cosmopolitans and pomegranate martinis—bartenders are designing a whole new breed of cocktails for 2009….

Long Island Iced 401(k)
Put hopes in shaker. Add dreams. Shake until dashed, then drink all the vodka, gin, tequila, and rum left in liquor cabinet.

Bear Market Shot
Pick up lots of checks because you think the glass is half full; when you find it’s actually half empty, take a single shot to the head.

Broke & Tan
Fall asleep in yard on weekday, wake up sunburned and so dehydrated that anything tastes good.

Princeton Bitters
Pour two ounces of vodka into a cocktail shaker. Lament fact that you moved into a smaller house to pay for your son’s college education and, since he couldn’t get a job and he’s now twenty-six, he’s living on your couch. Eying your son as he works his Wii, pour two more ounces of vodka into shaker. Serve with a grimace.

Nasdaiquiri
Add a dozen I.P.O.’s to portfolio, wait until bubble bursts, drink all day every day.

BlackBerry Sling
Discover that your BlackBerry doesn’t work because you haven’t paid the bill. Sling it against the wall, then buy a prepaid phone and make some rum in your toilet.

Bloody Maria Bartiromo
Squeeze four packets of McDonald’s ketchup and one packet of pepper into a glass. Mix with eight ounces homemade hooch. Drink while you watch the Money Honey on a TV in the window of a Circuit City that’s going out of business at the end of the month.

Tequila Slumlord
To avoid foreclosure, rent the other bedrooms in your condo to migrant farmworkers; steal their booze when they go out to work.

Trickle-Down Punch
Let last drops of liquor trickle from spent bottles at recycling center into plastic cup. Serve with shame.

—Dave Hanson

(Illustration: Floc’h)

Dave Hanson is the author of “Last Leg.”

Recipes for the Recession, Installment #2: Extremely Easy $1 Bread

Baking your own bread is one of the best possible ways to save on food costs. Bread is made from the simplest and cheapest of ingredients but marked up like crazy by commercial manufacturers. Buying a good loaf of nutritious bread will cost you about $3.00 in Brooklyn and probably even more in Manhattan. Baking your own bread can cost you only $1.00.

Its delicious and addictive ubiquity in U.S. restaurants, markets, and homes gives bread a sort of mysterious allure for the common person. It's left us all convinced that it can only be made well by expert artisan bakers (hello $5.00 loaf) or huge factories (blech.) My impoverished friends, you have been duped by the Bakery Industrial Complex! As I realized in this week's baking adventure, the truth is that bread is e-a-s-y. The ingredients are basically just flour. yeast. and water. What?! I know.

Of course, if you want to get all fancy pants you can throw in some oats, seeds, honey, brown sugar...the possibilities abound, but they also will cost you. And this is a recession dammit, so I'm giving you the cheapest bread recipe out there, and you will love it.

Here's what you'll need:

A cup of warm water ... $0
2 tablespoons of oil ... $.17
3 teaspoon salt* ... $.05
* here i'm tripling the amount of salt called for in the recipe I used because the judges unanimously felt that our bread came out a bit bland.
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour ... $.40 @ $4.69 for a 5 lb. bag
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour* ...$.40 @ $4.69 for a 5 lb. bag
*(Maybe next time I'll try a 100% whole wheat, or even a multigrain, but I wanted to keep it extra easy for my first time. Sue me.)
2 teaspoons instant active dry yeast ... $1.10
Total cost: $2.12 for two loaves, or $1.06 each.
But even if a few loaves of bread a month (or a week if you are buying for a family) isn't a budgetary burden, reasons abound for baking at home. One big one for me is avoiding the chemical preservatives in commercial brands. Before writing this very post I searched, in my boundless and noble journalistic integrity, far and wide within the kitchen of my Brooklyn apartment for a loaf of commercial bread so as to accurately report its price. To my horror I found half of one that I had bought at least a month ago, chillin on an abandoned shelf and looking exactly as it did the day it was born: no mold, barely even stale. What must they be putting in there to defy the laws of nature in this way?!??

Answer: dicalcium phosphate, diammonium phosphate, calcium propionate. Mmmmm.

Here is the recipe:

1. Pour warm water into a small ceramic bowl and add the yeast, but do not stir. Set aside.

2. Add the oil and salt to the water and yeast mixture; mix well.

3. Add the 1.5 cups of white flour and stir. Once incorporated, add the 1.5 cups of whole wheat flour. Stir until incorporated.

4.To knead the dough, flatten the dough and fold it over, pressing on it with your hands. Turn the dough sidewise and do the same thing. Flatten, fold, press, turn, flatten, fold, press, turn, a few times.

5. After kneading, roll the dough into a ball and put it in a greased bowl, rolling the dough around in the bowl so a thin film of oil covers the dough. Then cover the bowl with a cloth or paper towels.

6. Let it rise in a warm place for about an hour. It should double in size.

7. When you come back to it, "Punch down" the dough. Apparently when they say "punch down," though, they really mean smush down, judging by how quickly my mentor took over the punching after seeing me let loose on it. After its smushed down, leave it and let it rise again until almost double, for about another 30 minutes.

8. Divide the dough into two equal parts and let it rest for 10 minutes. Shape into loaves and put into greased pans. Let it rise again, until sides of dough reach the pan and the top is well rounded (30 minutes to 1 hour).

9. Bake the loaves at 425 degrees for about 25 to 30 minutes. The loaf pans should not touch each other or the sides of the oven or the heat won't circulate well enough to bake them evenly. To test for doneness, tap the crust, it should sound hollow. If is doesn't, bake a few minutes more.

When the bread is done baking, immediately remove the loaves from the pans. Set on wire racks or across the edges of the loaf pans so that air can circulate around it. Let it cool at least 20 minutes before slicing and eating, or the inside will stay dense and doughy. (I personally love it that way, but apparently that's weird.)

DIY: Prom Dress

Apparently, prom season is coming up. Cue a collective shudder as the lucky among us thank god that we are no longer in high school.

And, moving on.

Today the Brian Lehrer Show discussed the (surely recession-influenced) movement towards DIY dresses this season. Bass Arts Studio in Montclair, NJ will host a seven-class "Make Your Own Prom Dress" workshop starting March 23rd to teach some useful skills to those New Jersey teenage divas. At $345, the class is a joke for anyone who seriously wants to save this season. But, its the thought that counts, and this one's got a lot of potential.

Find your own pattern and teach yourself instead, and now you're thinking like a Recessionista. Luckily, they have that kind thing on the internets these days - sewingpatterns365 is a particularly good site for prom dress sewing patterns as are Lanetz Living and Burdastyle.com.)

Threadbanger.com is also a great website with instructions on DIY dress projects, both making one from scratch and updating an old design. I love the newspaper print prom dress!

If the thought of sewing your own prom dress is a little bit daunting - think Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink and try not to shriek in horror - thrifting your dress is a good alternative. Urban Jungle in Bushwick has a ton of great prom-worthy dresses as does Beacon's closet, in Park Slope or Williamsburg.

Anyone out there have more ideas for Brooklyn vintage prom finds?

Does This Recession Make Me Look Fat?

Reports are cropping up of a certain growing schlumpiness among the American public since the recession hit. Some commenting on the trend are women relieved at the emerging fashion laxity, and others are horrified.

Boston.com reported the phenomenon from the perspective of two Prudential Center sales associates, under-occupied of late. According to these girls, the Bostonians they see walking "have no style." "It is blah," they insightfully added.

Ignoring for a moment the fact that Bostonians have always looked terrible, there's something here worth considering. A real estate exec quoted in the Boston.com article said she was relieved to escape excessive workplace fashion expectations and another said she's feels free of the pressure to dye her gray hair because "people are more forgiving now."

This trend is on line with some other encouraging effects of the recession revolving around the curbing of excessive consumption and the unexamined exaltation of superficial treasures. Not to mention an exciting and necessary shift toward fresh and different ideas, in every area from fashion to energy solutions and financial investments. All signs point to a growing willingness to get real and get creative. So maybe this savings-driven schlumpification will mark a nationwide cleanse of appearance obsession.

Bring on the dark roots and stray eyebrow hairs!

Phish's Recession Comeback

90s jam band Phish is pulling a Jay-Z, with a little less glam and a dose of social consciousness.

In 2004, Phish played "one last summer tour," ending with a marathon weekend festival in Vermont seen by 65,000 tripping, greasy fans who thought they were witnessing the end of an era, man.

Sorry, stoners. Phish is back in a serious way, and they are looking to alleviate the recession blues. Frontman Tre Anastasio says, "It's like a service commitment." How is that, you wonder? Well, Tre figures that the "long shows of pure physical pleasure" that the band is famous for are a perfect antidote to the daily bummer that is unemployment and poverty. As he said in this New York Times article, "They come to dance and forget their troubles."

Well I for one am all for dancing away our troubles, and do think that live music is one of the best mood boosters that exists, but for tickets being resold for upwards of $1,000, this Recessionista will not be making it to the show.

Luckily, Phish plans to post recordings of all three Hampton Coliseum shows (in Va, the starting point for their tour) as high-quality MP3 files for free downloading at livephish.com. Now that is music to a Recessionista's ears.

A Park Slope Sign Of The Times

Bougie/bitchy Park Slope shop The Cabinet must be feeling the Recession stranglehold to have taken down this sign that they thought was oh-so-clever back in November.

Perhaps they feel they can no longer afford to alienate the sensitive mommies and daddies who just may need to call the nanny to have her take the nursery dimensions while they shop!