Heroes of the Recession 2: Men Who Wear Clean Undies

In his 2007 book The Age of Turbulence, Alan Greenspan proposed that the sales figures of none other but men's underwear may serve as a particularly insightful economic indicator.

He says that manties are historically among the most steadily consumed products out there. Their sales figures are almost always a flat line: underwear is nothing more or less than a necessity for men; they buy em when they need em, and generally they their girlfriends and wives do replace their undies when they've gotten old and ratty.

So usually, since undies don't represent a major expense nor a frequent purchase, they aren't among the items cut from the family budget when money gets a little tight. But as Greenspan's theory has it, in times of true hardship, men do start to skimp on their skivvies, making do with dingy pairs so that they can afford, say, toilet paper.

So, here's the good news: Hanes brands just reported second quarter 2009 sales at a decline of 4%. If you think this figure seems as gray as those ratty undies you're wearing, think again. This is actually a significant improvement, as sales declined by 13% in the first quarter. Manty sales are up, people!

So let's give it up for those men who care about what's on the inside - or at least, what's underneath. May their increasing manty purchases lift us from recession and deliver us from depressing laundry days!